Wednesday, February 29, 2012

shadows and reflections

Dreams wash away on waking up, I try to hold onto them, ask them questions that they seem to be going to answer but no use, lips move but I can't hear, infers point but I can't see and it is surely only an illusion, a figment, whatever that's, a product of the electric activity of the brain or some such but I am there wide awake in the dark now, with images still forming in my eyes, shreds of dreams washed away, which I choose to give transcendence even though I know better, perhaps choose to see them as a peek into worlds we cannot live in, into all that could be and could yet be but probably won't, real as it may be in the field of the possible, before the function collapses to what is only -or is that what happens.

I have to get up in a minute, but instead I close my eyes and images form of things I think I've never seen but I probably have, of course, and moulded and distorted to produce the reassuring numinous quality of transcendence, our making up a world beyond to make better for this failing one full of conflict in which we ail and fail and die and which seems to belong to the ruthless and the strong, neither of which i am or want to be.

Shapes in vivid colours, then a face of a woman I've never met, then a seething mass of horrid insects that makes me briefly wake up, then float downstream again, and then I am walking towards the building and I know where I'm going, to the large flat on the tenth floor to reach with you have to get the strange sideways lifts, hangs lifts several times because not all of the, go to the sae floors and for some of which some of the floors literally don't exist so I have to be careful or my journey may be in vain. A sliding door but this isn't the elevator proper, just a prior that leads to it, with people waiting who knows what but I have to get to where I'm going so I carry on and pull open that sort of cupboard door and there it is, that is the lift, the first of them which at least goes upwards. I have to remember to get off on the right floor to then take the sideways lift. That's many floors above the one I need so there always is a flush of panic until I find the righting and know I'm on my way. I don't need to wake up just yet.

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